Arid (adj.) – lacking in interest and life
Vapid (adj.) – lacking liveliness, tang, briskness, or force
Lackluster (adj.) – lacking in sheen, brilliance, or vitality
Phlegmatic (adj.) – resembling, consisting of, or producing the humor phlegm
It doesn’t matter how one paints this internal picture, my mindset is ashes. The fire that was inside feels extinguished, there isn’t even a glowing amber inside me right now. Even as I think of the task of training or catching the “unicorn.” It has been 9 days since I last ran and I’m okay with that. This is my current mindset, which has been my whole life, “I’m okay with that.” I always jump into the deep end, filled with passion and desire to excel. Succeed! But I always tire out, too tired to continue to swim when the water gets choppy and difficult that I pull myself onto a raft and float at an easily leisure.
Over the years I have been trying to figure myself out, try to understand who I am as a person and how, if I allow myself, to become a better person. I do know I am not one willing to put in the work when the situation becomes difficult and challenging. I also know that I am not going to become a better person without the struggles and failures in life. Yes, I have failed plenty, but not at the cost of putting my whole self into the task or journey. I thought this “unicorn”goal would be the start of journey toward a new person. One that can endure the process, even if some days or weeks seem bleak.
I guess this is where the true journey begins. The last 5 months have been a warm-up, a prelude to the true story at hand. I have 59 days left to pull through this despair, to fire up the cylinders and attack my daily training with purpose. I have to catch that “unicorn”, if not, know that I did everything I could leading up to the event that would test my mentality. I need to complete this journey no matter how the body feels physically, mentally or what Mother Nature has in store in the upcoming 59 days. One thing I did hear the other day which seems so true to me is, “motivation is nothing but a phase,” meaning no matter how inspired one becomes or motivated they get, it will dissipate like the snow in Spring.
Here is to the next 59 days, one training day at a time…
…so I ran
I was going to post this yesterday, but got caught up with the girls followed by a run. The first run in 9 days and it was extremely liberating from what I previously wrote hours prior. It was a huge combustion of excitement and a newer me?!? The one thing I noticed during the run, which was 12x 1 minute intervals with 2 minute rest, my strides were shortened. I felt faster than I have since training started. I know the 9 days rest had something to do with it, but the groin injury is still bothersome – manageable though.
I am simply STOKED! I’m stoked to continue training and look forward to each run leading up to race day. I know this injury will most likely be present throughout and I have to remain diligent in taking care of it, ice and stretching. I’m still a little bewildered about my gait, it was almost acting on muscle memory, but I know I’ve never ran with cadence that high. I would say my cadence was averaging 180-190 during the intervals and I usually average 170 at best during a fast pace interval or run. Either way, I have a renewed desire to thrive and enjoy the process of the journey. The journey to catch a “unicorn.”